so my neighbors completely drunk out of his mind...
him: baby you light up the world nobody does and you flip your hair i'm overwhelmed but when you look at the ground i can tell
me: *screams out the window* IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SING IT RIGHT THEN DON'T SING IT AT ALL
him: woah where did that voice come from omg
me: what the hell
him: i think i'm hearing things
me: go inside you dumbass
him: okay thanks jesus
Me: I won't get jealous
Me: Who's this fucking whore
why can’t I just lose my virginity with my summer love and have passionate and hot sex every day and be satisfied? the days when i wish someone was interested in me…
0ceanic-w0nders: when ur sad always remember that u don’t look like you did in 6th grade
normal teenagers: has sex, does drugs, parties
parents: don't do it again
me: doesn't do dishes
parents: YOU ARE OUT OF CONTROL YOU ARE TEARING THIS FAMILY APART
earthnation: i wonder if there are porn directors who are very serious about their work and are like “CUT! YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO MOAN 4 TIMES, NOT 3, BEFORE SCREAMING HARDER. NOW LET’S TRY THIS AGAIN”
dropped a pencil: killing myself
closed the wrong tab: killing myself
hit queue instead of reblog: killing myself
typed ;p; instead of lol: killing myself
hallway is crowded: killing myself
eats last chip: killing myself
zukuku: theres this girl in my class whos been carrying this 6x6 rubiks cube since the first day of school and today she finally finished it so we all started applauding n she was so overwhelmed she ended up crying
A Little girl, 3 yrs. old picked up by a man...
when girls are on their period
Girl: Hey can you check for me?
Friend: Yeah walk in front of me.
*looks at butt*
Friend: Nope, you're good.
The compliment every white guy in a movie has given his movie girlfriend: Wow.. you.. you look great.
me: i want to lose weight.
me: i want to be skinny.
me: i want skinny legs.
me: i want a flat stomach.
me: i want to be thin.
me: *sees Mcdonalds*
1000bodies: no i don’t mean faggot as in gay person i mean faggot as in you
basically all my sentences start with one of these ok so basically omg no but seriously actually ok wow ok wow (or wow ok) wait but wait no wait guys oh wow so like dude
Anonymous asked: kumqwat; you have been invited to PeepsPayer(.)com by one of your followers - where it's easy to make $ with your blog.
You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to...– Dita Von Teese (via cracksillo)